


Best Of Me

by bangster_12



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Drama, Healing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2019-12-22
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:29:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21892942
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bangster_12/pseuds/bangster_12
Summary: When Kyungsoo was hired to be Jongin's caretaker, he had expected the job to be difficult but he didn't expect to care for his patient more than he should. Jongin, blind and paralyzed, constantly belittles everything Kyungsoo does but Kyungsoo just takes it all in for he knew that pain can make monsters out of the best people.So Kyungsoo vowed. He promised himself that he will help Jongin go back to the best version of himself.Even if it would mean that Kyungsoo had to burn and fade out just to reignite the fire within Jongin.
Relationships: Do Kyungsoo | D.O/Kim Jongin | Kai
Comments: 32
Kudos: 139
Collections: Kaisoo OLAO Chapter Two





	Best Of Me

**Author's Note:**

> I feel in love with this prompt. When I took it, I suddenly got scared because oh my god the angst the needed to be written for this prompt. I don't know how many revision I made until I chose this one. I really tried my best with this fic, so forgive me. And pardon my non-existent medical knowledge.
> 
> I hope you'll love this story as I wrote it with all my heart.

_For every ending, there is a once upon a time._  
 _For every broken soul, there is a once upon a happy soul._  
 _For every phoenix soaring,_  
 _there is a phoenix burning,_  
 _turning to ashes, rising, then soaring._  
 _Let me hand you the matches_  
 _to ignite the glory within your soul._  
 _Let me be the one who burned to ashes_  
 _as you spark in your darkest of nights._  
 _As you rise._  
 _As you soar._  
**_Najwa Zebian, Sparks of Phoenix_**

Kyungsoo bumped his head on the backseat of the train. He had dozed off. He had been traveling for almost four hours now. He was hungry and tired but he needed to go.

He looked up to check which station he already was and then immediately leaped from his seat and ran towards the closing doors. He managed to make it, barely. He almost missed his stop.

It was his first time in the city and it scared the wits out of him. But he needed to do it. His cousin had informed him that someone was looking for a live-in caretaker. The salary and benefits were high. And it was urgent. Kyungsoo readily submitted his resume via email and he immediately received a reply, asking him to report immediately.

So here he was, consulting the crumpled paper in his hands. He can’t use his phone for a map because the battery just ran out. But he didn’t have any trouble finding the house he was looking for. Almost all he asked knew where he was going. He was directed at the richer part of the city, towards towering and gated houses.

After minutes of searching, he finally saw the house numbered ‘88’. It’s one of the fanciest houses that Kyungsoo has ever seen. 

Kyungsoo rang the doorbell and a voice asked him to state who he was and what he was doing at the Kim’s residence. Kyungsoo stated his name and the reason why he came.

There was a buzz and then the gates opened. He was told to come in and go to the front porch where the butler will be waiting for him.  
  
Kyungsoo did as was told. He admired the gardens as he passed by. Not even the country trees were these lush and green.

A stern-looking old man, who he assumed was the butler, was waiting for him at the front door.

“You are late,” the old man said.

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t able to —”

The butler raised his hand to stop him from talking. "I don't care about your excuses. We tried calling you but we weren't able to get a hold of you."

“My phone died and…” Kyungsoo just trailed off. The butler was shaking his head at him.

“Late and unprepared. I would not hire such a lousy character,” the old man said.

Kyungsoo's hope deflated. He was hungry and tired. He had traveled far and it was all for nothing. He could beg but it was obvious that the old man would not like that, or even care.

"I'm sorry. I guess I'll get going then."

“Where are you going?” the old man asked when Kyungsoo started to turn.

“To show myself out. I’m sorry that I wasted your time.”

“Impertinent,” the old man tsked. “The madam is waiting for you and she’s adamant to see you so come with me and be on your best behavior.”

Kyungsoo has so many questions but the old man was already walking inside the house. Kyungsoo had to run to catch up with him. He had no time to admire the inside of the house since the old man was giving him such a distasteful look.

They stopped in a closed room and the old man knocked. They heard a reply from inside and the door was opened. "Madam, he's here."

The woman sitting by the desk in the center of the room was the most beautiful woman he had ever laid his eyes on, including his mother. And he knew his mother would agree with him. The woman looked so regal and elegant and it made Kyungsoo want to bow. Or curtsy. Kyungsoo wondered if this was what it would feel like meeting a queen.

“Sit,” the woman gestured. “Shim, please have Jongin ready for us.”

“Yes, madam,” the old man closed the door behind him.

“So Do Kyungsoo,” the woman said. “You can call me Mrs. Kim. I was the one who replied to your email.”

Kyungsoo stood up and bowed to her all the same. “Hello, Mrs. Kim.”

“Kyungsoo, please sit down,” the madam smiled. “Can I call you Kyungsoo?”

“Yes, madam.”

“And please call me Mrs. Kim. And please sit down first.”

Kyungsoo did as was told. "But Mr. Shim called you 'madam'."

“Well, Mr. Shim is a stubborn man,” Mrs. Kim smiled at him and Kyungsoo felt his breath hitched. “It said in your resume that you weren’t able to finish nursing?”

“No, Mrs. Kim. My father got sick on my last year and I couldn’t afford to go to school and internship anymore.”

“But you have experience of taking care of sick people?”

“My mother used to be a local nurse back in our home before she got sick too. I volunteered there sometimes.”

“But you’re planning to complete your studies, yes? You mentioned in your application that you’re just waiting for your papers to be approved. Are you planning to move?”

“I have an uncle who lives abroad and he wanted to help me,” Kyungsoo said. “I’m just waiting for my papers to come out and to save up.”

“So that would take you at least six months, right?”

“Yes?” Kyungsoo replied. He can’t understand the point of the questions.

“I’m sorry, I need to know how long you can stay with us so that we can find a replacement beforehand. That is if you won’t quit on your own.”

“Pardon?”

Mrs. Kim sighed. “My son…is a very difficult patient. I guess I should be honest with you here. All the private nurses we hired didn’t last a week because of my son. He had an accident. A very terrible one. We almost lost him. He survived, but ...his legs were broken and we can’t determine yet if it’s a permanent paralysis or not. My son loves to dance that’s why he was so devastated when the doctors told him that he might not be able to use his legs again. On that of top, the accident made him blind.”

“Is that also permanent?”

“I’m afraid so. The damage to his optic nerve is severe that’s why the doctors are suggesting against the operation to restore his eyesight and no doctor would ever accept his case. Forcing the operation might cause more damage.”

Kyungsoo nodded.

"So, please understand that he's going to be very difficult. Jongin's a sweet boy. He is. But the accident just turned him into…into just a shell of who he used to be. He had resisted any form of therapy. My husband said that Jongin might be suffering from PTSD and…"

Kyungsoo watched as Mrs. Kim tried to rein in her emotions. He wanted to reach out and comfort the woman before him but he must know his place. “Mrs. Kim…”

“All I’m asking, Kyungsoo, is that…please give him a chance. My son is under a lot of pain, physically, emotionally, psychologically and I just want someone who won’t leave him easily.”

Kyungsoo looked at Mrs. Kim. He had seen that kind of face before. A face of desperation but no ounce of giving up. He had seen that in a lot of faces in the hospital. And Kyungsoo knew it’s never easy.

“I accept, Mrs. Kim.”

Mrs. Kim shed a tear when Kyungsoo accepted. "I'm sorry, I'm just…thank you, Kyungsoo. You don't know how happy I am right now." Mrs. Kim pushed some papers to Kyungsoo. "Read that over. Your salary and benefits are there. There's also an NDA."

“An NDA?”

Mrs. Kim nodded. “I’m sorry but my son insisted that no one knows what happened to him so he demanded that all who will work for us sign a non-disclosure agreement. He’s a famous person. Or used to be anyway.”

Kyungsoo read over the contract, which was pretty standard. But his eyes bugged out when he saw his monthly salary. It was three times the salary he’d gotten from volunteering. “Mrs. Kim…aren’t you paying me more than enough? I’m not a licensed nurse. I’m not even a graduate. But I think the rate you’ve given is more than my capabilities.”

Mrs. Kim shook her head. "That's a lower rate than what we gave to the licensed nurses who applied here. If you find it too big, I hope it will compensate when the moment my son becomes difficult."

Kyungsoo finished reading the contract and then signed it.

“Can you start today?”

“I’m sorry?” Kyungsoo asked back. He was only informed about the interview. He wasn’t even sure that he would be accepted.

“Can you perhaps start today? His last nurse stopped reporting two days ago and I believe Shim is not too qualified to watch over Jongin.”

“But…I don’t have any clothes with me.”

"Don't worry, we'll provide. You can return to your home after three days, on your day off, when my husband is back and we can watch over Jongin. I'm sorry, Kyungsoo, but I'm just desperate."

Kyungsoo thought over. His brother can take care of his parents while he was still away. He’ll just give his brother a call later. “Okay, Mrs. Kim.”

Mrs. Kim stood up and held Kyungsoo’s hands. “You are an angel,” Mrs. Kim crooned. “Let’s meet my son? Shim might be done preparing him.” Mrs. Kim led him towards the further part of the first floor. “We transferred his room here. Having his room upstairs would no longer be ideal.”

Kyungsoo just nodded. He was excited and at the same time kind of scared to meet Jongin.

They were about to reach an open door when something flew out of the room and shattered on the corridor.

“I DON’T NEED ANYONE! GET OUT! GET OUT!” 

Mrs. Kim hurried inside to find Jongin shirtless and hunching over in his bed, and Shim disheveled just standing beside his bed holding unto Jongin’s shirt.

“Jongin, son,” Mrs. Kim ran towards his son and touched his face. Jongin pushed her away. “Jongin, please.”

"I don't understand why you keep hiring nurses! I don't need them!" Jongin tried to sit back up on the bed but his hand slid and he fell on the floor.

“Jongin!”

“Young master!”

Kyungsoo tossed his bag aside and ran towards the fallen patient. There seemed to be no wound upon the fall but Jongin was writhing in pain. He gently raised Jongin’s torso and sat behind Jongin, using his body for Jongin to lean on.

“Sir, where’s the pain?” Kyungsoo asked.

Jongin turned his head towards the voice. “Who are you?”

“I’m Kyungsoo. Can you tell us where you’re hurt?”

“Leave me alone!” Jongin pushed at him but the person holding him up from behind would not budge.

“Sir, tell us where you’re in pain,” Kyungsoo repeated.

Jongin conceded since he was really in pain. His stupid, paralyzed body was in pain. “Left leg,” Jongin found it ironic that he’s almost paralyzed on the lower part of his body but yet he can still feel pain there.

“Okay,” Kyungsoo looked up at Mr. Shim. “Mr. Shim, please place a pillow on the left side, near the foot of the bed.”

Mr. Shim did as was told while Mrs. Kim was crying silently at the corner of the room.

“Mr. Shim, help me lift him.” Mr. Shim positioned himself on the other side of Jongin. “On my three. One, two, three.”

They were able to lift him and gently placed him in bed. Kyungsoo immediately placed Jongin’s left leg on the pillow.

“Let me know when you’re comfortable,” Kyungsoo said as he adjusted the pillow until Jongin said that it was enough.

“Jongin, please wear a shirt. You’ll catch a cold,” his mother pleaded.

“Give me painkillers,” Jongin said.

“No, the doctors said not to give you any more painkillers.

“I’m in pain, mother!”

“Jongin…”

“It’s okay, Mrs. Kim. I’ll handle it from here,” Kyungsoo said.

“Handle? Handle it? I’m not an object to be handled!” Jongin screamed.

Kyungsoo closed his eyes and breathed in deeply.

Mrs. Kim wasn't kidding when she said that her son was difficult.

But no matter, Kyungsoo was used to difficult.

Kyungsoo finally managed to make his patient sleep. When Mrs. Kim went back to check on them, Jongin was dressed and already sleeping.

“How did you get him to sleep?” Mrs. Kim asked.

“He was bound to get tired eventually. Plus, I think the pain in his leg was too much for him to handle.”

“Did you give him painkillers?”

“No, Mrs. Kim,” Kyungsoo said. “After repeatedly asking for it, he eventually got tired too.”

"My sweet boy," Mrs. Kim swept the hair from Jongin's forehead. "He was such a nice kid. He was."

Kyungsoo can only nod. He knew how pain can turn someone into something he isn’t. “Mrs. Kim, would it be alright I use your telephone and call my parents back at home? I have yet to inform them that I will not be returning home in three days.”

“Of course you can make a call, Kyungsoo.”

"And...is there a convenience store nearby? I would like to buy some food. I haven't eaten anything the entire day.”

"Oh my god, you poor child," Mrs. Kim said. "Why didn't you say something? I could've prepared your dinner."

“No, Mrs. Kim, please don’t inconvenience yourself for me.”

“Nonsense,” Mrs. Kim waved him off. “Come on, it looked like Jongin is in deep sleep. I’ll show you where you could change into something comfortable. Then come down to dinner.”

Kyungsoo was showed to the room and like everything else in the house, it was grand. There were folded clothes on the bed and Mrs. Kim apologized that they can only give him Jongin’s hand-me-downs. 

He picked up what he thought was pajamas and he was shocked to see the tag on the pajamas. _Gucci_. Everything screamed expensive everywhere Kyungsoo turned. 

He didn't want to change into the pajamas but when he looked at the other clothes, he just had to look away because the brands just got fancier and some he can't even quite pronounce.

Maybe he’ll just telephone his brother to send him some of his clothes.

After he showered and feeling he was at least decent now, he went down to look for the kitchen. He found it and an assortment of food and fruits were laid out on the table. A black phone was also on the table.

“The madam had prepared it for you.”

Kyungsoo almost jumped at the voice.

“And she said that you may keep the phone. After you’re done eating, leave everything in the sink. The maids will clean it. I have prepared your bed in the young master’s room. You are to sleep there, I believe you were informed?”

The fact was Kyungsoo wasn’t informed but he kind of figured that out. “Yes, Mr. Shim.”

The old man just gave him a cold stare and then left him alone. The old man was no longer glaring at him. And Kyungsoo can call that a win.

He approached the table and his mouth salivated at the food. His stomach grumbled in agreement. He was hungry. Since he was all alone, Kyungsoo gobbled the food.

After a while, he picked up the phone and dialed his brother’s number which he knew by heart.

After five rings, the call was picked up and Kyungsoo’s lips formed into a fond smile.

“Hello, babu, can you give the phone to your father please?”

_“Papa!”_

"Yes, can you give the phone to your father, please? Uncle needs to talk to your father."

_“Papa!”_

Kyungsoo chuckled as he heard his brother's deep voice asking his son who was on the phone.

_“Kyungsoo?”_

“Seungsoo!”

_“Oh my god! Where the hell are you?! Mother and father were so worried! We’ve been trying to call you!”_

“I know! I’m sorry! I’m phone died and I didn’t have time to charge it yet.”

_“But where are you? You were supposed to be home hours ago!”_

"I'm at the Kim residence. The place I applied for. They wanted me to start right away and then an emergency happened. Mrs. Kim begged me to stay."

_“And you stayed?”_

“Obviously.”

_“Kyungsoo, you’re too far away from home. You know mother and father will miss you.”_

“I know. But please make them understand. They pay here is so good, Seungsoo. We can pay back the family debt in the few months I’ll be working here. Plus, mother and father will no longer have to miss taking their medicines just because we can’t afford them. And on top of that, I can still save up.”

_“I’m so sorry, Kyungsoo. I’m the eldest in the family yet there’s nothing I can do. You’re doing all the hard work and I’m...”_

"Don't say that Seungsoo," Kyungsoo's heart ached. His older brother had married early and had a son when he was laid off work. With only a high school diploma, it was hard for his brother to look for a job. "Tell mother and father that I will be back in three days, okay?"

_“Be careful out there, piggy.”_

“Stop calling me piggy,” Kyungsoo pouted.

_“You’ll always be my little piggy. Don’t forget to eat and rest, piggy. And when it gets too tough, just know that you can always come back here.”_

“I know. Thank you, Seungsoo.”

_“I love you, piggy.”_

“I love you, giraffe,” Kyungsoo sighed as he ended the call. 

Judging from how Jongin behaved earlier, Kyungsoo knew that he will be difficult. But he won't let him be deterred. A lot was riding on his shoulders.

Kyungsoo woke up early and decided to start the day right. He has to make Jongin like him or at least tolerate him.

He can understand what Jongin's been going through but he can't understand the depth of his pain. Kyungsoo had witnessed a lot of people go through it and had given up. But this time, Kyungsoo is determined to help Jongin with everything he has.

Kyungsoo went to the kitchen to find a maid preparing Jongin's breakfast. She informed him that Jongin wakes up early to eat but he either just throws the food away or ignores it. She said that she's always afraid to bring him his food. Kyungsoo told him that he'll be the one to bring his food from now on, much to the maid's relief.

Kyungsoo found Jongin perched up in his bed, flicking on the TV with the volume high up.

"Good morning!"

Kyungsoo greeted loudly. Jongin stopped flipping the channels turned the TV off and tossed the remote on his bed.

"What's good about the morning?"

Kyungsoo put down the tray and pulled the table of the bed towards Jongin.

"It's another day," Kyungsoo chirped. "And it's a beautiful day out! Do you want to get some sun?"

"Do you want to shut your mouth forever? God, your voice is too loud!" Jongin pushed at the table.

Kyungsoo took a deep breath. "So I've been told! Your breakfast is here. The soup's hot so it's better if you eat it now."

"I don't want to eat."

"Well, you have to. Besides, it looks delicious," Kyungsoo placed the tray on the table.

"I don't want to eat it."

"But you have to --"

Jongin swiped everything on the tray towards where he heard Kyungsoo's voice. The tray fell to the floor, the hot soup spilled on Kyungsoo's bare feet and the dishes broke on the floor.

"Can't you understand a simple instruction?" Jongin angrily said.

Kyungsoo bent down to pick up the tray and the broken shards. Jongin threw the remote blindly at him and it hit Kyungsoo's shoulder hard. It startled Kyungsoo and he cut his hand on the shard he picked up. He had to bite his tongue to keep himself from whimpering.

"Get out of here! I don't want you here!"

"What's going on here?" Mrs. Kim entered the room in a state. She was still in her nightgown and her hair was a mess, her face bare. She heard the commotion in Jongin's room and immediately rushed.

"If you hire somebody, can you at least hire someone who's not annoying and dumb?"

"Jongin!" Mrs. Kim chided. She bent down to help Kyungsoo. "Kyungsoo, you're bleeding."

"It's nothing, Mrs. Kim," Kyungsoo tried to hide his hand but Mrs. Kim was quick to grab it.

"That looked deep," Mrs. Kim said. "In his bathroom, there's a first aid kit. Go and clean up your wound."

"Oh, don't fuss, mother," Jongin said as he laid down in bed.

"Jongin," his mother sighed. "Go, Kyungsoo. Have that wound cleaned."

Kyungsoo nodded.

He returned much later with a hand bandaged. Jongin was lying in his bed with his back to the door. He brought him another set of breakfast.

"Mr. Kim, I'll leave your food here in case you get hungry," Kyungsoo gently put down the tray. "If you want your food reheated, just let me know. I'll be outside your room."

"Does it hurt?"

Kyungsoo stopped in his steps and turned in surprise. Jongin was still in the same position but Kyungsoo heard him perfectly.

"Does your hand hurt?"

"No, it doesn't."

Kyungsoo waited if Jongin would say more but he didn't get any reply.

"I'll just be outside."

That had been the routine for the succeeding days that followed. Jongin would almost always throw his food or completely ignores it. He called Kyungsoo names that were both hurtful and disrespectful. Kyungsoo would hold it all in and would just wait until he can cry in the bathroom. He was supposed to go home but Mrs. Kim begged Kyungsoo to stay since Jongin's father won't be able to come home in time.

It was a quiet night and by quiet, it meant that Jongin was being less difficult than usual. Kyungsoo was startled when his phone vibrated in his hands. He almost wept upon seeing who was calling.

"Mom," Kyungsoo almost sobbed. He looked towards Jongin who was sleeping in bed afraid that he might've woken him up. But Jongin was sleeping soundly.

_"Kyungie."_

"Hi, mom," Kyungsoo closed his eyes and pictured his mother's smiling face. His heart clenched and tears spilled from his eyes.

_"Seungsoo said you were supposed to return today but he said you can't because your boss told you not to. Is it true? Is your boss slaving you away?"_

Kyungsoo half-laughed, half-cried. "Mrs. Kim has been good to me, mom."

_"Hmmm...but what about your patient? Seungsoo told me about him. Is he being difficult?"_

"No, mom…"

_"Kyungie, I don't like you lying to me…"_

Kyungsoo pressed his lips in a thin line to suppress the sobs from his chest.

"I'm not, mom. My patient is very kind and very obedient. I don't have any problems with him."

_"Kyungie, I'm your mother and I know when my son is lying. I know the pay is good but don't you ever let them treat you less than you deserve. We can always find money, Kyungie. But I don't want my baby boy hurt. I don't want my baby boy hurting. So just come home, Kyungie."_

Kyungsoo covered the speaker on his phone so he can let out a sob. After steadying his breath, he lifted the phone back to his ear.

"Aish, my dearest mother. You missed me so much already?" Kyungsoo tried to laugh. "Aish, I'll be coming home in a few days and when I do, I'll buy you lots and lots of food! I'll bring you roasted chicken! Or is it roasted pork you want?"

_"Kyungie...are you okay, my baby?"_

"I am," a sob escaped from his lips. "I am now."

There was silence as Kyungsoo just listened to his mother breathing.

_"Well, then. If you say you're okay then I'll believe you. I'll always believe you."_

"I am. I am okay."

_"I love you, Kyungie. And if your patient is being difficult, always remember that it's not always good to fight fire with fire. Show him kindness. Show him the best of you. But at the same time, never ever let him hurt you, okay? I love you, son."_

"I love you too, mom. Please kiss dad for me."

Kyungsoo waited until his mom ended the call and he sobbed uncontrollably now. He missed his mom. He missed his family. He missed the comforts of his tiny room, his tiny house, and his tiny town.

Kyungsoo wiped his eyes and tried to stop the sobs that were still coming. He took a shuddering breath and wiped his tears.

His family.

He'll do it for his family.

The next day, Kyungsoo woke up earlier than the maid to cook Jongin's breakfast. He already knew the diet that Jongin's physician prescribed and maybe that's why Jongin doesn't want to eat it because it's bland and tasteless. But Kyungsoo knew how to make it tasty.

"Good morning!" he greeted cheerily as he went inside Jongin's room.

"God, why are you so annoying?"

Kyungsoo smiled when he saw a slight twitch in Jongin's nose. 

"I prepared your meal for today. I know you'll love it."

"What makes you think that?"

Kyungsoo pulled the table and placed the tray.

"Because you're at least a little bit curious. It's a different smell, right?" he said. "I'll be right outside if you need anything."

Kyungsoo waited. And waited. But he didn't hear any plates breaking nor Jongin's angry grunts.

He went inside a little bit later to find every plate empty. Jongin was lying on his side, his back to Kyungsoo again.

Kyungsoo held his cheer in. It was a huge improvement. Very huge.

Jongin woke up, anticipating an annoying voice greeting him but he heard nothing. Instead, he heard a slight tapping, like someone typing on a laptop.

"Mom?"

"Oh, Jongin, you're awake," Mrs. Kim answered. "Are you hungry? I'm just going to reheat the food that Kyungsoo made before he left."

"He left?" Jongin didn't want to sound so curious but that's exactly how he felt.

"Yes. This morning. He said he had a bus to catch. He was supposed to go home last weekend but since your father's trip was extended, I asked Kyungsoo to stay until your father returns."

"Does that mean he'll come back?"

"Yes."

Jongin didn't know why he felt so relieved. He didn't care for his caretaker but why was he so relieved upon hearing that Kyungsoo will still return?

"Where did you find him?"

"He found us," his mother replied. "Quite a blessing, honestly. You always send the good ones running."

"So now you hired a dummy."

"That's not a nice thing to say, Jongin."

"Nothing in this world is nice, mother. At least not to me," Jongin said.

He heard his mother sigh. "Would you like to eat? You should eat first before we go to the hospital."

"I don't want to eat."

"Jongin --"

"Mom, please. I'm tired. So tired."

Jongin hated his trips to hospitals. He can't stand the fake concerns of the doctors and nurses he would come across. And he doesn't understand the need to be checked by a doctor since he always hears the same results.

_He won't be able to walk again._

_He won't be able to see again._

_It’s a hopeless case._

_There’s nothing much we can do._

Jongin was a hopeless case.

Jongin never felt so useless.

But in that exact moment of despair, why did he hear an annoying voice in his head?

Jongin woke up to some feeling in his legs, like someone was poking a stick on it.

"Good morning!"

Jongin tried to keep himself from smiling. The annoying voice was back.

"What are you doing?"

"Massaging your legs," Kyungsoo said, kneading Jongin's legs. "Wait, you can feel my hands?"

"A little, yeah."

"Mr. Kim, that's great news!"

"No, it isn't," Jongin said. "Where's my breakfast?"

"Oh," Kyungsoo hurriedly pulled up the table and placed the tray. "Your doctor had changed your dietary prescription so I think you'll like the food from now on."

Jongin snorted. But he can't deny the fact that the food smelled even more delicious compared before.

"I'll be outside if you need me."

"Stay," Jongin said before he can stop himself.

"W-what?"

"You heard me," Jongin patted the table to feel the spoon. "Is the weather nice outside?"

"Huh?"

"Have you gone deaf? Should I repeat everything I say to you?"

"No," Kyungsoo replied. "It's sunny outside. Do you want to go outside?"

"Yeah."

"Really?"

"Seriously?"

Kyungsoo clapped his hands. "I'll get the wheelchair. I'll be back. Don't move."

"Oh geez. I wonder where I should move to!" Jongin said loudly as he heard Kyungsoo running out his room.

But he finally let out a smile.

The sun felt so warm against his skin. A blanket covered his feet but Kyungsoo still kept massaging his legs.

"Hey."

Kyungsoo looked up. "Yes?"

"Can you describe me what it's like? How today looked like?"

Kyungsoo's hands still. Then he nodded and stood up.

"The sun is out. Quite sunny compared yesterday but there are still large clouds in the sky. They quite resembled huge cotton candies," Kyungsoo giggled. "The leaves are lush and green. For someone who grew up in the countryside, I never saw leaves so green. It was almost like the leaves were painted over. I even check one time. Mr. Shim looked at me like I was crazy."

Kyungsoo heard a chuckled and he looked down to see crinkles beside Jongin's eyes.

"The flowers are in bloom. The sunflowers are in full bloom. And the roses. The daisies. I feel like I'm looking at a kaleidoscope."

A cool breeze blew and Kyungsoo closed his eyes to feel it. When he opened his eyes and looked down, Jongin was doing the same. But there was a smile on his lips. He had never seen Jongin smile before.

Kyungsoo wondered what changed. But whatever happened while he was away, he was grateful.

Kyungsoo bent down to continue massaging Jongin's legs.

"Mr. Kim?"

"Jongin. Call me Jongin."

"Okay," Kyungsoo was surprised. He felt like he was tending to a very different person. "Jongin, have you tried to undergo therapy?"

Jongin's mood deflated. "No. And don't ask me about it again."

It was quiet for a while and Jongin wondered if Kyungsoo would press on his question.

"What's your favorite mythical creature?"

Jongin was confused with the turn of the conversation. He was prepared for Kyungsoo to insist on talking about it and he was prepared to lash out.

"Hmm, I think your favorite mythical creature is a dragon. Mighty and fearsome," Kyungsoo answered his own question. "Aren't you going to ask me what my favorite mythical creature is?"

"No. But I figured you'll let me know anyways," Jongin said, his cheeks lifting already at the smile threatening to form.

"Mine's the phoenix," Kyungsoo said as he rubbed Jongin's legs. "Do you know the story of the phoenix? They lived a long life then they burn, painfully, back to ashes. Then they're reborn and will become more majestic than ever."

"Of course you would like that. Tell me, how many of your friends are fictional?"

Kyungsoo ignored the jibe. "You know what I like the most about them?"

"I don't want to know but it's like I have a choice."

"How much they resemble us. How much they resemble a man's resiliency," Kyungsoo said. "Sometimes, we have to break. Torn down. Knocked down, sometimes wishing we could be dying. But then...but then, after that, something more beautiful and stronger will replace the old us. We'll be wiser, we'll be kinder, we'll be the better version of ourselves."

Jongin gritted his teeth. He doesn't need a pep talk. Especially not from someone who knew nothing about his daily struggles.

"Oh, it's almost lunchtime. I'll have to prepare your meal. Do you want to go back inside?"

"No, I'll stay here."

"O-okay," Kyungsoo hesitated. But he watched as Jongin tilted his head back to feel the sun and breeze on his face. There was a little smile on his face.

Kyungsoo woke up because of the sounds that Jongin was making. He saw Jongin trashing in bed, hands gripping the bed sheets tightly and sweat was breaking out in his forehead.

Jongin was having a nightmare.

Kyungsoo rushed to him and shook his shoulders.

"Jongin! Jongin, wake up!"

"NO! NO!"

"Jongin!"

Kyungsoo went to the other side of the bed and climbed beside Jongin and held him in his arms.

"Sshh," Kyungsoo rocked Jongin in his arms. Jongin, now finally awake, held unto Kyungsoo's arms and gasped for air. "It's okay. It's okay. It's just a dream."

Jongin sobbed hard in Kyungsoo's chest. "I don't want to live like this anymore. I'm tired of living like this! I don’t want this life anymore!"

The door opened and Mrs. Kim stood in the doorway. Her eyes were wide and she had a hand on her chest. Kyungsoo shook his head at her telling her that he got this. She nodded and stepped out of the room.

Kyungsoo let Jongin cry in his arms until he has calmed down. When he was sure that Jongin was asleep again, he gently laid his head back down. Kyungsoo swiped away Jongin's hair and touched the crease in the middle of Jongin's forehead. Jongin let out a small whimper then eventually started to relax.

Kyungsoo went out to find Mrs. Kim crying quietly outside Jongin's room.

She wiped her tears when she saw Kyungsoo. "He's asleep?"

"Yeah," Kyungsoo said as he sat beside her.

"I'm sorry," she cried again. "It just hurts to see your only child be in pain. I wish there was something more I can do. I just wished it was me in his place. I can't bear to see Jongin in pain anymore."

"Mrs. Kim," Kyungsoo reached for her hands and held it. "You're already doing everything you can and Jongin knows it. Please don't think that what you're doing is never enough. We do everything we can for the people we love, and in turn, I know they can feel it. Be strong for Jongin. Be there for him. What he needs the most right now is the people he loves. And he needs to know that you'll always be there."

Mrs. Kim nodded. "Thank you, Kyungsoo. I never saw someone treated Jongin the way you treated him. All the others treated Jongin as a patient but not you. You treat him like a friend."

"Your son is a good person, Mrs. Kim. I know it. Pain just makes us the worst version of ourselves. But don't worry, I'll help Jongin with everything I can."

"So now you're a barber too?" Jongin asked the next morning.

"Don't move," Kyungsoo held Jongin's cheek then made him face forward. "My brother cuts hair sometimes so I know how to do it."

"If I ended up with no hair, you're going bald too," Jongin grumbled.

Kyungsoo chuckled. "Don't worry. I tried going bald once so it's no trouble for me. But humor me, why do you want your hair cut? The length is still okay."

"I'm going to see a therapist today."

Kyungsoo's hands still. "You're seeing a therapist today?"

"So are you going to be repeating everything I say now?"

"You're going to see a therapist?" Kyungsoo asked excitedly. He placed the scissors on the table and faced Jongin. "Are you really?"

"Yes. So can we get --"

But Jongin wasn't able to finish his words since Kyungsoo hugged him.

"I'm so happy, Jongin!"

Jongin was at a shock. It has been a long time since someone ever held him. He tried to reciprocate the embrace but Kyungsoo was already releasing him.

"I'm so happy," Kyungsoo said. He actually shed a tear.

"Don't ever think it was because of you or what you said."

"I'm not saying anything. I'm just really, really happy for you."

"Yeah?"

"Yes," Kyungsoo picked up the scissors again and started cutting Jongin's hair. "We have to make you handsome."

"So you're implying I'm not handsome?"

"N-No. I'm saying we have to make you more handsome," Kyungsoo replied.

It has already been an hour since Jongin went inside the doctor's office but Kyungsoo hasn't heard anything yet.

He was about to knock when the door opened and a nurse was asking for him. Kyungsoo immediately went inside. Jongin was now perched back on his wheelchair but his shirt was soaked with sweat.

"Doctor, how did he do?" Kyungsoo quietly asked the doctor as he watched Jongin trying to lift his feet as instructed by the nurse beside him.

"He did very well, I must say," the doctor said. "He said he wanted to go on with his sessions but since this is his first, he should slow it down, we don't want to strain him. I can see he's very determined. It won't be long before he can regain control of his legs. Just continue massaging his legs and let him exercise them once in a while. My secretary will send over his schedules for the month," the doctor said.

"Thank you, doctor," Kyungsoo said. "The other doctors said that he won't be able to walk again."

"Sometimes doctors could be wrong. However broken the body is, as long as the heart and mind are determined, it can heal. And I believe Mr. Kim can prove that."

Kyungsoo stood up and went to Jongin. "You ready to go?"

Jongin nodded and said thanks to the nurse.

"So, how was your first day?"

"Are we going to have small talks until we're home?" Jongin asked.

"You can choose not to answer but that won't stop me from asking anyway," Kyungsoo smiled as he wheeled Jongin away.

"Why do you have to be so annoying?"

"Why do you have to be easily annoyed?" Kyungsoo retorted.

Jongin snorted. "Get a life."

"I like what I have here."

They arrived back home late in the afternoon as Jongin said that he wanted to drive around town.

"Do we have guests?" Kyungsoo asked when he saw many cars outside the Kim's house.

"Mr. Kim's friends are here to visit him," the driver replied.

"Send them away," Jongin immediately said.

"But Jongin --"

"Send them away!" Jongin repeated. "I don't want to see them! I don't need them! Send them away!"

Kyungsoo nodded to the driver and he stopped them behind the house so that they could sneak Jongin inside.

Jongin slammed the door in Kyungsoo's face.

Kyungsoo sighed. He trudged back towards the living room where he saw Mrs. Kim talking to three guys who turned around when Kyungsoo approached.

"Where's Jongin?" Mrs. Kim asked.

"He's tired from his sessions," Kyungsoo replied. "He's having a rest now."

"Does he know his friends are here?"

"Yes, Mrs. Kim," Kyungsoo said as he looked at Jongin's friends.

"I'll talk to him," Mrs. Kim said. "Boys, make yourselves at home."

Kyungsoo wanted to follow her but a hand stopped him. He turned to see one of Jongin's friends holding his hand.

"Is it true? Jongin really went to therapy?"

His accent was slightly lilted. Kyungsoo stared at him then to the hand holding him.

"Ah, sorry," the guy said. "My name is Yixing. I'm in the same dance corps with Jongin during college."

"H-Hello," Kyungsoo timidly greeted. All of Jongin's friends were handsomely intimidating. It made Kyungsoo's insecurities flare up. "M-My name is Do Kyungsoo. I'm Mr. Kim's caretaker."

"His mother said that Jongin went to see a therapist today?" the tall man with a deep voice spoke. His eyes were sparkling as he spoke.

"Y-Yes. Mr. Kim went to see a therapist. He just had his first session."

The guy, the one named Yixing, let out a sob. The tall guy comforted him.

"Sorry, we're just emotional," the small guy, though a little taller than Kyungsoo spoke. "Jongin shut us off after his accident. We only receive news from his mother. She called us this morning. She's crying while telling us that Jongin was going to see a therapist. You don't know how happy we are."

Kyungsoo just nodded. He doesn't know how to respond to Jongin's friends.

"You're new, aren't you? We didn't see you before. How long have you been Jongin's caretaker?" small guy asked.

"Three months," Kyungsoo replied.

"Wow, you lasted three months?" tall guy asked, surprise written in his face. "You've lasted longer than all of Jongin's previous caretakers combined."

Kyungsoo just nodded again. He was relieved that Mrs. Kim was already joining them back.

"Sorry, boys. Jongin's tired from his sessions. He wanted to sleep," Mrs. Kim said. She also sounded so tired. "Kyungsoo, Jongin's looking for you."

"Yes, Mrs. Kim," Kyungsoo bowed to Jongin's friends in apology. 

Yixing stepped forward and hugged him. "Thank you for taking care of him."

"N-No problem," Kyungsoo was a little startled. He bowed again before leaving Jongin's friends.

He found Jongin lying on his side when he entered the room. Kyungsoo thought Jongin was sleeping so he tiptoed around the room.

"Did they leave?"

Kyungsoo stopped then turned to Jongin. "Not yet. But your mother is talking to them. I thought you were asleep."

Jongin turned in bed to face where he can hear Kyungsoo's voice but his eyes were still closed. Kyungsoo took a seat on the sofa beside the bed. He had several questions in his head but he knew he has no place to ask them.

"Why are you being quiet? I thought you'd be firing your questions now."

In spite of himself, Kyungsoo chuckled. "I want to but it's not my place to ask them."

"Are you wondering why I don't want to meet them? Why I'm shutting them off?"

"Yes."

"If you were in my place, would you show your worst self to others?"

"Are you afraid they'll leave you once they'll see the worst version of you?" Kyungsoo waited for an answer but Jongin kept silent. "Your mother didn't leave."

"She's my mother."

"And she loves you. People who truly love you will never leave you even when you're unlovable. Even when you're the worst version of yourself."

"Including you? Why are you still here when I was nothing but mean to you?"

"It's my job," came Kyungsoo's answer. He uttered it immediately like a practiced answer. He saw a little smile on Jongin's lips.

"Is it? Am I just a job to you?"

Even though Jongin can't see him, Kyungsoo bowed his head in embarrassment. His cheeks flamed and he felt the room just gotten hotter. Was he going to admit to his patient that he was attracted to him? He can't even begin to fathom the implication of his inappropriate feelings for Jongin.

"Can you sing me a song?"

Kyungsoo looked up. "What?"

"I hear you singing sometimes. When you're on your phone. When you thought I was sleeping."

"How many times have you eavesdropped on my conversations?"

Jongin was grinning widely now. "I'm just blind and paralyzed. I'm not deaf."

Kyungsoo snorted. "That doesn't give you an excuse to listen in to other people's conversations."

"Stop stalling and sing me a song, my nightingale."

Kyungsoo puffed his cheeks in annoyance that he didn't even mind what Jongin just called him. He took a deep breath then started to sing a song. Jongin's breaths relaxed and when Kyungsoo was in the middle of the song, Jongin was already slightly snoring.

Kyungsoo smiled. He stood up, still singing, and pulled Jongin's blankets to his shoulders.

"Sleep well, my phoenix."

Three months turned to six and Kyungsoo had gotten good at reading Jongin's mood swings and tantrums. He can now even spar with him when he calls him mean things and when he's being a brat. Mrs. Kim loved their new dynamics and even referred them as a bickering couple. Jongin only scoffed and Kyungsoo was a blubbering mess trying to contradict her words. 

Jongin's therapy sessions went progressively. He was now being trained to support himself in bars. They were trying now if he can walk unsupported.

Jongin was scared at first for he felt his legs won't cooperate. He fell several times that his doctor told him to give it a rest and that they'll try in the next session. But Jongin was determined.

He's determined to become good again. To become a good version of himself again.

"You're doing great!"

Jongin can hear Kyungsoo's voice cheering him on. Kyungsoo was probably at the end of the room watching him.

One foot forward. Then another. Then another. Then Jongin let go of the metal bars and he was walking, unaccompanied. Unsupported.

"Kyungsoo! I'm walking! I'm walking!"

He counted at least six steps before his knees gave out and he started falling. But he felt something soft and hard breaking his fall.

"Oh my god, Jongin!"

Kyungsoo caught his fall. He was beneath him so Jongin supported himself on his elbows so as not to crush the man beneath him.

"Kyungsoo, did you see it? You saw it right? You saw that? I did it! I walked! I walked!"

"You did!"

He felt Kyungsoo shaking beneath him and he can hear choking sounds.

"Are you crying?" Jongin asked.

"Yes! Oh my god, Jongin! Yes, I'm crying!"

Jongin was suddenly pulled down and he can feel Kyungsoo sobbing in his neck. Jongin allowed himself to be held and he let himself cry. They were both a sobbing mess until the doctor told them to get up as the floor was unsanitary.

Jongin rolled over and both of them were giggling and crying on the floor. His hand slid on the floor until he found Kyungsoo's and intertwined their fingers. Kyungsoo turned to him, squeezed his hand and then he smiled.

Mrs. Kim was also a crying mess when Kyungsoo showed the video he secretly took of Jongin walking a few steps before falling. She hugged Kyungsoo fiercely then planted a kiss on his cheeks. Then she went to her son to pepper him with kisses. Jongin protested at first but then he allowed her to do as she pleases.

Kyungsoo was supporting Jongin from standing up in his wheelchair to help him on the bed. But Jongin wanted to try and walk to the bed alone so Kyungsoo let him. He was almost to the bed when he started to fall again. Like last time, Kyungsoo was quick to break his fall. Kyungsoo's back was on the bed with Jongin atop him. 

"You okay?" Kyungsoo asked. Their faces were so close to each other that his breath was fanning over Jongin's cheeks. "Wait, let me move so you can lie comfortably."

But Jongin didn't move. Instead, he supported himself on one elbow. His free hand cupped Kyungsoo's cheek.

"Kyungsoo," he breathed. He let his fingers travel over Kyungsoo's face. To his eyebrows, to his eyelids, to his nose, to his cheeks until his thumb parted Kyungsoo's lips.

"Jongin…"

"Can I kiss you?"

Kyungsoo breath hitched. Jongin was so close. So so close. He closed his eyes. "Yes."

Kyungsoo waited until he felt Jongin's lips against his. He tilted his head so Jongin can have full access to his mouth.

"Let me in," Jongin whispered, a little breathless.

Kyungsoo was prepared this time when Jongin's mouth descended on his. He kissed him back with equal passion, their tongues dancing and Jongin lightly biting Kyungsoo's lower lip. Kyungsoo answered with a moan and adjusted himself on the bed. The movement jostled Jongin which made the other break the kiss and hissed at the sudden pain on his back.

"You're right. This position is a bit uncomfortable," Jongin murmurred.

Kyungsoo tried to hold in his laugh but he ended up snorting. He buried his head in Jongin's chest as he tried to contain himself.

"Can we get comfortable? I'm not done kissing you yet," Jongin said.

Kyungsoo blushed at this. Jongin allowed himself to be moved and Kyungsoo helped him in bed. But Jongin didn't let go of his hand and told him to lie in bed with him.

Kyungsoo climbed up beside him and burrowed himself to Jongin. Jongin turned to cup Kyungsoo's face, seeking his lips and then they were kissing again. Jongin's lips eventually lowered to Kyungsoo's jaw and neck, leaving marks in his wake.

"Jongin," Kyungsoo sighed contentedly into the night.

The doctor was surprised and happy at Jongin's progress. It only took them a month from Jongin's first steps back to Jongin walking without falling. The doctor also told them that Jongin may now engage in other activities using his thighs and legs.

"Including sexual activities?" Jongin asked cheekily.

That earned him a sharp slap across his chest from Kyungsoo and the doctor choking on air.

"He's only kidding, doctor," Kyungsoo was beet red from embarrassment.

"Who says I was?"

Kyungsoo glared at him though Jongin can't see it. After their first kiss, they've been constantly making out whenever they can. And maybe there might even be naughty touches here and there.

And maybe more than touches.

"There. You look like my fictional boyfriend, Kaz Brekker," Kyungsoo said as Jongin held the black cane in his hand.

"Who now?"

"Kaz Brekker. Criminal extraordinaire. Master thief. He stole my heart."

"Is this your subtle way of saying I stole your heart?"

Kyungsoo flushed. "No!"

"I can't believe you just compared me to criminal!"

"Shut up. Kaz Brekker owns my heart."

"I can't believe I'm getting jealous over a fictional character," Jongin grumbled.

"You're jealous?"

"Duh," Jongin said. "How would you feel if your boyfriend proclaims he loves someone more? And a fictional character at that?"

"W-We're boyfriends?" Kyungsoo flustered.

"Are we not?" Jongin's face was confused. "Shit, wait, am I the one only thinking this? Should I have asked you? Oh crap, I thought you felt the same way."

Kyungsoo was half-laughing and half-crying. "Shut up. Of course, I feel the same way."

"Oh, good. Or this would've been very awkward."

Kyungsoo was smiling giddily as he fixed Jongin's sweater. 

His boyfriend's sweater.

His boyfriend.

"But where are we going anyway?" Kyungsoo asked. Jongin just told him that they were going out.

"I'm taking you out on a date. We'll go watch movies and then we'll have dinner with a view."

Kyungsoo's brows raised.

"Oh, come on," Jongin said. "I may be blind but I can still enjoy the movies," Jongin whipped out a pair of black sunglasses and put them on. "See? No one will ever know."

When Jongin said he will be enjoying the movies, Kyungsoo didn't expect that it would involve a lot of touches and kissing. Every minute or so, Jongin would pull him for a kiss or just to lean his head on his shoulder.

They watched a horror movie but Kyungsoo came out hot and bothered.

But there was a wide smile on Jongin's face and Kyungsoo would not trade that for the world.

"Do Kyungsoo?"

Kyungsoo whipped his head fast and a small gasp escaped his lips. Jongin also turned when Kyungsoo let go of his hand.

"Oh my god, is it really you? I can't imagine you here in the big city! I thought you're back home wiping asses and drools because that's what you're good at."

The stranger sneered while his posse openly laughed. Kyungsoo felt like he was high school again, locked up in a stinky bathroom stall, shivering from his wet clothes that his bullies soaked in toilet water.

"C-Choi," Kyungsoo stammered.

"You remembered!" Choi stepped forward and put his hands on Kyungsoo's shoulders and shook him. "Ah, I remember the days! We had so much fun in high school!" Then he turned to his friends. "Guys, this ugly right here helped me in high school. He was the smartest in class but the ugliest so I kept him close."

Kyungsoo wanted to shrug Choi's hands off him but Choi's hold was tight.

"So what are you doing here, Kyungsoo? Country air too much for you?"

Choi was suddenly pushed forward, letting go of Kyungsoo. Jongin stood between them.

"Who are you?"

"The one who will punch you if you'll not leave right about now," Jongin said angrily.

"Jongin, don't," Kyungsoo pulled Jongin back but he didn't budge.

"If there's anyone ugly here, it's you. You and your nasty personality. So I suggest you get your ass away from here and don't even think of breathing near Kyungsoo."

"Who the fuck are you?"

Jongin stood straight making him taller and intimidating than Kyungsoo's bully.

"Kim Jongin. Search my name and remember," Jongin said. "Let's go, Kyungsoo."

Kyungsoo held Jongin's elbow and led him away.

"Are they out of sight?" Jongin asked when they were walking for quite a while.

"Yeah."

"I was cool, wasn't I? They didn't even know I'm blind."

Kyungsoo smiled at Jongin's grin. "That was reckless, Jongin. What if he attacked you?"

"As if you'll let me be hurt," Jongin squeezed Kyungsoo's hands. "Don't mind what that cretin said, okay? Don't let him ruin our date."

Kyungsoo wiped the tears that fell from his eyes. He can't let Jongin feel how close he was to breaking. So he stepped forward and hugged him.

"What's this for? Not that I'm complaining."

"Just thank you," Kyungsoo sniffled. "Thank you for coming to my life."

"Hey, that's my line," Jongin said as he patted Kyungsoo's head then kissed it. "Let's go? I'm starting to get hungry.”

To say that Kyungsoo was amazed at the sight before him was an understatement. Jongin did bring him to a restaurant with the best view. The restaurant was perched on a hill, overlooking the city. 

"I'm guessing you're loving the view," Jongin said.

"Yes. Oh my god, Jongin, it's so beautiful up here," Kyungsoo said.

"Beautiful, no? I wish I can see it again. I haven't really appreciated it much all those times."

Kyungsoo's smile disappeared. "I'm sorry, Jongin. I didn't mean to sound so --"

"Kyungsoo, please. I brought you here not to make you feel guilty. I brought you here because this place is really special and you're special to me," Jongin reached over the table for Kyungsoo's hand so Kyungsoo immediately held Jongin's. "I just want to share this place with you."

"Jongin, thank you. It's so beautiful," Kyungsoo said.

It was when their dessert arrived that Kyungsoo braved the question.

"Jongin, haven't you thought of undergoing surgery for your eyes?"

Jongin's hands stilled and his jaw clenched. "No," was his tight answer.

"I know a brilliant ophthalmologist who can help you. I spoke to him about you and he's interested in your case. He wants to meet you and see your charts. He'll be moving back to LA in a few weeks so it's the perfect time for you to meet him."

Jongin threw the spoon and fork he was holding on his plate. The gesture startled Kyungsoo.

"You talked to him? Who allowed you to divulge such information? Didn't you sign an NDA?"

Kyungsoo blinked a few times to calm himself. "I didn't say who you are. I just told him about your condition. I told him that your doctors told you that your blindness is inoperable but the doctor I know says that there's still a chance that it is operable."

"Why are you doing this?"

"What?" Kyungsoo was confused with Jongin's question. "You said you wanted to be able to see again! Just a while ago. I just informed you that I know someone who can help us!"

"My doctors said I can never see again."

"They're the same ones who told you that you can never walk again but look at you, you can walk again!"

"It's different this time."

"How so?"

"Just give it a rest, Kyungsoo. I told you that I don't want our date ruined," Jongin said.

"I just wanted to help you, Jongin. I promise you that Dr. Kim is one of the best ophthalmologists --"

"I said drop it!" Jongin almost shouted. The people near their table turned to look at them. "You don't know what it's like to hope everyday! I always wished that I will hear a different diagnosis every time we visit an eye doctor. Every expert was sought, Kyungsoo. The best of the best and they always say the same thing, I won't be able to see again. So what makes your Dr. Kim different from them, huh? Should I get my hopes up again only to be crushed when he tells me the same thing?"

"I just wanted to help," Kyungsoo said in a small voice.

"Next time, know your place."

Jongin immediately regretted the words that just came out of his mouth. He heard Kyungsoo taking in a sharp breath, then followed by a choked sob.

"Kyungsoo --"

"I'm sorry if I overstepped. It won't happen again."

Jongin reached across the table in search of Kyungsoo's hands but he heard a chair scraping on the floor.

"I'll be…in the car. I'll send the driver to bring you outside."

"Kyungsoo…"

But he can already hear Kyungsoo walking away.

He planned to apologize to him in the car but the driver informed him that Kyungsoo took a cab instead. He asked the driver to call Kyungsoo's phone but it just kept ringing.

Jongin can hear someone moving around his room when he arrived.

"Kyungsoo," he finally caught his hands. "Please, listen to me."

"Your bath and bed are ready, Mr. Kim," Kyungsoo said.

"No, no," Jongin tried to pull him close but Kyungsoo put a hand between them.

"This is me knowing my place next to you."

"No," Jongin cried. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean those words. I was angry. I was scared. I didn't mean them."

Kyungsoo extracted himself from Jongin. "I understand, sir. I'll just be outside your room should you need me for anything."

"No, please, Kyungsoo, don't go," he held unto him. "I was just scared. I was hurt. I was...I'm sorry."

"Yeah, I am too," Kyungsoo said as he freed himself from Jongin then walked out of the room.

Kyungsoo had ignored him the next days that followed. Ignore in a sense that Kyungsoo still addressed him as 'Mr. Kim' and only responds to some of his questions. Jongin wanted to feign pain just to get Kyungsoo's attention but he decided against it. He knew Kyungsoo would hate it.

"Are you really going to ignore me the entire time?" Jongin can't help but ask again. They were in the gardens, soaking in the morning warmth. Kyungsoo hadn't uttered a single word to him yet.

"Kyungie!"

Kyungsoo turned to the all familiar voice. He just saw his parents walking towards them.

"Mom? Mom?" Kyungsoo can't believe his eyes. He started to run towards them. "Mom!"

Mrs. Do wrapped her son in her arms. Her husband followed.

"Dad!" Kyungsoo was sobbing. "God, I missed you! Why are you here?"

"Mr. Kim invited us here," Mr. Do said.

"Jongin's father?"

"No, Jongin invited us here," his mom said.

Kyungsoo looked to where he left Jongin. Though Jongin can't see them, he was wearing a big smile on his face. Kyungsoo laughed then shook his head.

"Come on, I'll introduce you to him," Kyungsoo said.

Kyungsoo was over the moon. The Kims gave him a day off so that he could spend it with his parents. He wanted Jongin to come with them but Jongin declined, saying that Kyungsoo should focus on his family first. Jongin had them booked at a nearby hotel and his parents were fascinated with nearly everything. His parents were won over. Not because of the luxuries they experienced but because of how Jongin was thinking only of Kyungsoo's happiness.

Jongin was already sleeping when Kyungsoo returned. His parents wanted him to sleep with them at the hotel but Kyungsoo realized he hadn't properly thanked his boyfriend yet.

So he carefully slid to the bed and tried hard not to jostle it as to not wake Jongin. But all his efforts were in vain as Jongin stirred the moment the bed dipped.

"Kyungsoo?" Jongin sleepily asked.

"Yeah, it's me. Go back to sleep," Kyungsoo whispered.

"Why are you here? You should be with your parents."

"I know but I...I haven't really thanked you yet."

Jongin turned to the other side so that he can be face to face with Kyungsoo. He lifted his hand and Kyungsoo grabbed it and placed it on his cheek. Jongin loves to touch his face when they're in bed.

Jongin stroked Kyungsoo's cheek with his thumb. "Happy birthday," he whispered.

Kyungsoo giggled then sighed contentedly. "My birthday is still far away, Jongin."

"Well, who's to say we can't celebrate it earlier, right?" Jongin said. "I missed you."

Kyungsoo closed his eyes then kissed Jongin's wrist. "I missed you too."

"Please don't think that bringing them here was just so you can forgive me. I've already planned to surprise you weeks before we had that dinner. And I'm sorry again. That was rude and harsh and mean of me to say those words to you. I didn't mean them."

"But why did you still say them, Jongin?" Kyungsoo wanted to erase that memory from his head but he just can't.

"I'm used to disappointments, Kyungsoo. Ever since the accident. I have learned rejections in the worst ways possible. At first, it hurt a lot. I mean, why can't people give me another chance? Why can't people try harder for me? How can they just tell me I'm a helpless case when they didn't even try?" Jongin said. "It hurt until it didn't anymore. I'm just numb, so used to the pain that I could no longer feel it. But I always hear my mom crying, begging my doctors to reconsider. I always hear my father talk desperately to other people just so they can fix me again. But they failed again and again. I don't want them to hope anymore. Because it's that little hope that kills you. And then you came," Jongin gently smiled. "And all I ever wanted was just to be happy with you. To be happy with only a little I can give."

"Jongin…"

Jongin shook his head. "But then you, too, started to hope and I didn't want you to feel the same pain I did," Jongin's voice trembled. "I don't want you to be hurt because of me. I don't want you to get your hopes up only for it to come crashing down. I don't want that for you."

"Jongin," Kyungsoo sobbed. He leaned forward until his face was in Jongin's chest.

"But you're you. My light. My light in my darkest days," Jongin kissed Kyungsoo's forehead. "Your love gave me warmth and strength. You made me hope again."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm meeting Dr. Kim tomorrow."

"What?" Kyungsoo leaned his head back.

"I've set up a consultation with him tomorrow."

"Really?"

"Yeah. But it's just a meeting, okay? No anything."

"It's more than anything," Kyungsoo burrowed himself towards Jongin. "Thank you, Jongin. Really."

"Am I forgiven?"

"You've been long forgiven. And I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have pushed you."

"No, don't apologize. You did nothing wrong and I thank you for pushing me. You always do that."

"So what?"

"Reignite my fire."

"Yeah, I always wanted to be a matchstick."

Both of them giggled.

"Jongin?"

"Hmm?"

Kyungsoo leaned up so he could kiss his boyfriend. "I love you."

Jongin pressed down so he could kiss his boyfriend longer. Kyungsoo went lax beneath him and he took the opportunity to move. He was already partly on top of Kyungsoo who was moaning under him.

"Jongin," Kyungsoo was breathless.

"Yeah?" Jongin continued kissing him from jaw to his neck. His hand slid under Kyungsoo's shirt, the skin was hot under his palm. "Is this okay?"

Kyungsoo doesn't know whether to nod or shake his head. His only answer was a loud moan and his back arching to Jongin's touch.

"Jongin," Kyungsoo gripped tight on Jongin's hand that was traveling below his navel.

Jongin moved his head up and kissed Kyungsoo's quivering stomach. Then he pulled Kyungsoo's shirt back down then lied on his side, pulling his boyfriend and settling his flushed body beside him. Kyungsoo's skin was still hot and his heart was beating wildly.

"We'll wait until you're ready," Jongin said placing a gentle kiss on Kyungsoo's temple.

"Thank you," Kyungsoo said in a small voice.

"Sleep," Jongin said. "It will be a huge day for us tomorrow."

Jongin was nervously tapping his foot. He'd been clenching and unclenching his fists for the minutes that they'd been waiting outside the doctor's office.

"Jongin," Kyungsoo reached out for Jongin's hands and held them tight. "It's going to be fine."

"I know. But it's just...I'm scared."

"Don't be," Kyungsoo said. "I'm here."

"Kim Jongin?" a nurse called out his name.

"Here," Kyungsoo answered for him. He helped Jongin stand up.

"Dr. Kim will see you now," she opened the door and gestured inside. "This way please."

"Kyungsoo!"

"Dr. Kim!" Kyungsoo cheerily greeted as soon as they walked to the door. 

"I told you to call me Junmyeon!" Dr. Kim stood and hugged Kyungsoo. "It's been so long, right?"

"Three years, doc," Kyungsoo said. When Kyungsoo studied nursing, he would always visit the hospital where his mother worked and would sometimes run into Dr. Kim who would help him study and let him see some surgeries.

"Ah, too long, too long."

"Ehem."

The two turned to Jongin who was waiting for them to acknowledge him. 

"Ah, Mr. Kim," Junmyeon approached him.

"Dr. Kim," Jongin stiffly greeted. He felt someone holding his hand as if a handshake.

Kyungsoo guided Jongin on the chair and he sat beside him.

Dr. Kim flipped Jongin's files. "I must say, Jongin. When Kyungsoo told me about your case, I was curious. So I was glad when you phoned my clinic. I've been up all night in reading your files when I got them."

"And?" Jongin was dying to ask.

"Well, it is a risky procedure," Dr. Kim said.

Jongin's heart deflated. He knew it. He never should've pushed through with the meeting.

"And a procedure I had done so many times," Dr. Kim added.

"What?"

"Do you want me to explain how the procedure is done?"

"Wait," Jongin stopped him. "You said you'd done this procedure before?"

"Yes, loads," Dr. Kim answered.

"And the success rate is?"

Dr. Kim chuckled. "Not to brag but...100% success rate."

Jongin gasped. He reached out for Kyungsoo's hand. Kyungsoo grasped it and held it tight.

"Well I can --"

"Doc, give us a moment," Kyungsoo interrupted Dr. Kim. Jongin's shoulders were shaking as he was crying silently.

"Of course," Dr. Kim said.

Kyungsoo stood up and faced Jongin. Then he pulled Jongin forward so Jongin was hugging his waist.

"Kyungsoo, I might be able to see again!"

"I know, Jongin," he ran his hand at his boyfriend's back.

"I might be able to see again," Jongin sobbed.

Kyungsoo was trying to hold back his tears. "I know."

Jongin sniffled then sat back up and wiped his tears. "How can soon can I have the operation?"

"Well, you have to undergo a series of lab tests and a psychological evaluation first before we can schedule the operation," Dr. Kim said.

"Okay, so when can I start the lab tests?"

Dr. Kim looked at Kyungsoo who nodded at him. "Well, we can start now."

Dr. Kim called back his nurse and gave her instructions. Then he turned to Jongin.

"Mr. Kim, my nurse will bring you to the examination room to have your blood extracted," Dr. Kim said.

Jongin nodded as he stood up. The nurse guided him towards the adjoined room. Kyungsoo was to follow them but Dr. Kim asked him to stay back.

"Thank you, doc," Kyungsoo said.

"Don't thank me yet," Dr. Kim smiled. "The reason I asked you to stay was...I heard you're applying in the US?"

Kyungsoo blinked. "Y-Yes."

"Oh, good," Dr. Kim beamed. "I'm expanding my clinic in LA and I wondered if you want to apply? I mean, I know you'll have to study first but you can do that under my employment."

"Oh my god! Really, doc?" Kyungsoo asked.

"Yeah, forward me your resume so I can forward it to my partner," Dr. Kim said.

"You mean Dr. Oh? Your husband?"

Dr. Kim laughed. "Partner, in every sense of the word," Dr. Kim's eyes were shining. "But are your papers ready?"

"Yeah, I just got my visa approved," Kyungsoo said.

"Great," Dr. Kim said. His phone vibrated on the table. "Speak of the devil," he smiled. "I'll just take this phone call."

Kyungsoo nodded. He was so happy with what Dr. Kim told him. Then his heart dropped. 

How will he ever tell Jongin?

He planned to leave for the US. He didn't even expect to stay long in the Kim household. But he grew to care for Jongin. He grew to love Jongin.

How will he ever tell him?

"You've been quiet," Jongin asked when they were inside the car on their way home.

"Just thinking," Kyungsoo said.

"About?"

"The future."

Jongin slid closer to him then hugged him from the side.

"Don't be too stressed about it," Jongin said.

"I'm not," he replied as he caressed Jongin's hands on his waist.

"You shouldn't be," Jongin said in a low voice. He was starting to get sleepy. "I'll be here and you'll be with me, so don't be afraid of the future."

Kyungsoo's hands stilled, his heart cracking upon hearing Jongin's words. He waited for Jongin to say more but Jongin was already lightly snoring.

The Kim household was bustling with energy. It had been too long since they held a gathering, even a small one.

But since Jongin's surgery was scheduled the next day, he decided to finally meet his friends and spend time with them.

Kyungsoo can only smile as he watched Jongin smiling and laughing with his friends. He can't but help but think if this was how Jongin was before his accident.

There was a tug in his heart as he watched Jongin be surrounded by the people he loves. People who he truly belonged. 

"You're Jongin's caretaker?"

Kyungsoo looked up at the person who asked. He knew that Jongin knew some famous people but Kyungsoo didn't know that Jongin was friends with Lee Kun, the famous celebrity Kyungsoo has ever known. Even his parents knew who Lee Kun is.

"Y-Yeah," Kyungsoo stammered.

Kun stepped closer and hugged Kyungsoo. "Thank you for bringing our Jonginnie back," he said. "I was so afraid that we'll lose him forever so I'm very grateful for you. His mother said that you helped him greatly." 

"Y-Yeah."

Kun released Kyungsoo then joined him in watching Jongin talking animatedly with his friends.

"He's so dreamy, isn't he?" Kun sighed. "You think he'll give me a chance again if I'll ask him that we should get back together?"

"W-What?"

"I still love him even though it was me who broke up with him," Kun said. "I regretted it every second. I wanted to care for him during his accident but I was always busy. But you think...I'll have a chance?"

Kyungsoo didn't know what to say to Jongin's ex who was a famous, internationally famous, celebrity.

"Don't go telling anyone, okay?" Kun winked. "We don't want to start rumors," he said before leaving Kyungsoo alone and joining Jongin with his friends. He fitted along with them so well, his hands holding Jongin's hands.

And there were huge, bright smiles on their faces.

Kyungsoo felt like a voyeur. He felt like he was a stranger standing from the outside looking in.

His heart was slowly ripping apart as he left Jongin's party.

Jongin's world.

A world where Jongin rightfully belonged.

A world so different from Kyungsoo's world.

Suddenly, all the times he spent with Jongin seemed like just a beautiful dream.

Or maybe it’s just what it was. 

Just a dream.

Kyungsoo just finished making Jongin's bed when he saw Jongin being guided by his mother.

"Thanks, mom," Jongin said.

"Thank you for today, Jongin," his mother kissed his cheek. "Kyungsoo, please make sure he's properly rested for tomorrow."

"Yes, Mrs. Kim," Kyungsoo said. He waited until she was out of the room. He closed the door and locked it. Then he went back to Jongin to help him out of his clothes. "I've drawn your bath," he said as he unbuttoned Jongin's shirt.

"Hmm," Jongin said as he moved forward and he was leaning his head on Kyungsoo's shoulder. "Why weren't you at the party?"

"I was there," Kyungsoo said.

"No, you weren't. I called for you but you didn't come."

"You didn't need me there, Jongin."

Jongin hummed. "You're wrong."

Kyungsoo took off Jongin's shirt and then his hand went to Jongin's pants.

"Soo."

"Hmm?"

"Is everything alright?"

"Yes. Why wouldn't it be?"

"You've been acting weird since we met Dr. Kim," Jongin said. "Oh no. Is Dr. Kim hitting on you? Is he making you uncomfortable?"

Despite what he was currently feeling, Kyungsoo managed to laugh.

"You do know Dr. Kim is married, right?"

"What?"

"He is happily married, Jongin," Kyungsoo said. "And why would I look to another when I have the most amazing man before me?"

Jongin grinned widely. Then he gasped when he felt Kyungsoo's hands running on his chest.

"Kyungsoo…"

Then he bit back a moan when Kyungsoo's hand slid down to his stomach.

"Soo, you have to stop."

"You want me too?"

"Fuck, no," Jongin's voice was strained. "But if you won't stop that, I might not be able to stop myself."

"What if I don't want you to stop yourself?"

Kyungsoo's hands left his body but Jongin heard a belt buckle hitting the floor.

And Jongin still had his pants on.

Then, his hands were being directed towards warm, soft skin.

"Touch me, Jongin," Kyungsoo said. "I want to do it tonight."

"Tonight?"

"Yes," Kyungsoo stepped closer until they were just breaths apart. "Take me. I'm yours. Take me. All of me"

Jongin bent down and Kyungsoo met Jongin's lips with his. They've always kissed but never this hot, not this urgent.

Kyungsoo guided Jongin towards the bed. He unzipped Jongin's pants and pulled them down before telling Jongin to climb on the bed.

Jongin climbed up the bed in his boxers and positioned himself with his back on the headboard.

Kyungsoo climbed on Jongin's lap, straddling him, both his knees were outside Jongin's thighs.

Jongin's hands traveled downwards to cup Kyungsoo's bottom and then he groaned when Kyungsoo was naked in his hands.

"Fuck, Soo."

Kyungsoo slowly dropped in Jongin's lap and ground on top of him. He swallowed Jongin's moans with his own.

"Soo…"

"I've prepared myself, Jongin," Kyungsoo was breathless. He guided Jongin's fingers right where he wanted them. Then groaned when Jongin pushed one finger in.

"Fuck," Jongin groaned at the feeling. Kyungsoo was slicked with lube.

Jongin lifted his ass so he could take off his boxers and kicked them away. Then he rearranged Kyungsoo so he was hovering over him.

"You want this, baby?" Jongin asked gripping tightly at Kyungsoo's hips. He knew there'll be bruises by tomorrow.

"Yes," Kyungsoo whimpered. Then he slowly lowered himself on Jongin.

Jongin was restraining himself as the tip entered his boyfriend. He almost screamed when he was fully sheathed in.

"Oh, god, you feel so good," Jongin was panting.

"Don't move," Kyungsoo hurriedly said.

"Am I hurting you?" Jongin asked in alarm.

"No," Kyungsoo rested his forehead on Jongin's. "Just...let me adjust."

"I love you."

Kyungsoo bent down so he can kiss Jongin's lips. Jongin kissed him back, chasing his lips. Then, Jongin started to move and thrusting deep.

Kyungsoo was a moaning mess as he was overwhelmed with feelings.

"Faster, Jongin."

"Fuck, I'm close."

Jongin thrust up one last time then stilled. Kyungsoo let out a silent scream as he came with his boyfriend.

They stayed connected and in that position as they try to catch their breaths. 

Then Kyungsoo gasped when Jongin lifted him and shifted so they could lie on their side.

He wanted to get up but Jongin was holding his waist tightly.

"Jongin, we have to clean up."

"A little later," Jongin sleepily muttered in his neck. "Let's stay like this for a little while."

Kyungsoo reached up to sweep away Jongin's hair from his forehead.

"Baby."

"Hmm?"

"I can't wait to see you."

Kyungsoo stilled.

"I can't wait to see your beautiful face," Jongin reached up to touch Kyungsoo's face. 

Kyungsoo's leaned into his touch and tried so hard not to cry. "How do you know how I look? For all you know I might not look like how you imagined me to be."

There was a lazy smile forming in Jongin's lips. His hand slipped to Kyungsoo's chest, just above his heart.

"You have a beautiful heart," was all Jongin said.

Kyungsoo bit his lower lip to keep himself from whimpering. He burrowed closer to Jongin and rested his face on Jongin's chest.

"I love you, Jongin. Please remember that."

Jongin gave him a satisfied rumble in his chest as a response.

***

Jongin was feeling groggy and irritable when he woke up after the surgery. A bandage was wrapped around his head. There was a dull ache in his head like someone pounding into it.

"Don't pull at it."

Jongin felt gentle hands stopping his hands from pulling on the bandage.

"But it's itchy," Jongin complained.

He heard Kyungsoo's deep chuckle. "Big baby. I'll ask the nurse if we can change it."

He gripped at Kyungsoo's hand. "Stay."

"I was just going to get the nurse…"

"Stay."

"Fine."

Dr. Kim came by not later and told them that the surgery was a success. And that it will take two to three weeks for Jongin to recover.

"What's two weeks, right?" Jongin said.

"That's the spirit," Dr. Kim clapped Jongin's shoulder. "Just call me if you feel any pain or discomfort, Mr. Kim."

"I will, doc," Jongin said. "Kyungsoo, are we alone now?"

"Yeah."

"Then come here and kiss me."

"Jongin! We're in public."

"So? Come on, I missed your kisses."

Kyungsoo shook his head but he climbed on the bed and lied beside Jongin. Then he gave his boyfriend a peck on the lips.

But Jongin managed to cradle Kyungsoo's head so he was able to kiss him deeper.

"Jongin," Kyungsoo was pushing at his boyfriend whose hands were traveling to his pants. "Jongin!"

Jongin let out a frustrated groan. "Come on…"

Kyungsoo giggled. "No. Dr. Kim said no strenuous activity for two weeks."

"Fuck," Jongin sighed. "If I'd known, I would have fucked you senseless last night."

"Oh my god, Jongin!" Kyungsoo half-chided and half-laughed.

Jongin pulled him closer until Kyungsoo was burrowed in his neck. He loves holding him like that, close to his heart.

"I love you."

He waited for Kyungsoo to reply but he didn't.

"Soo?"

He felt a hand on his cheeks. Jongin leaned to the touch.

"I love you too. So much, Jongin. So much."

Then he felt Kyungsoo shaking in his arms and he can hear little sobs.

"Why are you crying?" Jongin asked in worry.

"I'm happy. I'm just so happy for you," Kyungsoo was clutching on his chest so hard.

"Baby," Jongin sighed as he kissed Kyungsoo's forehead. "All of these happened because of you."

"That's not true."

"It is," Jongin contradicted. "I told you. You reignited the fire within myself. I became like a phoenix. Like that legendary bird you liked."

He heard Kyungsoo sniffled. "I can't wait to see you soar high, Jongin."

"I can't wait to show you the best version of me."

***

He called for Kyungsoo again but he wasn't there. His mother told him that Kyungsoo said not to wait for him but Jongin doesn't want the bandage removed if Kyungsoo was still not with them.

"Mr. Kim," Dr. Kim said. "We have to do it now."

After a long argument with his parents, Jongin conceded.

The bandage was finally removed from his head. He was instructed to open his eyes slowly.

"I know it will be a little disorienting but be calm, don't panic. Your vision might be blurry for now but take your time and let your eyes adjust first."

Jongin squinted. He saw nothing for a few seconds until he can finally make out some colors. Although it felt like he was looking through fogged up glasses.

Then, everything came to focus.

"Mom?"

"Oh my god, Jongin!" His mother reached for him and hugged him tight. She was crying in his arms.

"I can see! I can see!" Jongin exalted. "Dad!" His father joined their hug.

Dr. Kim waited for the family to have their moment. When they were done, Dr. Kim stepped forward to check his eyes.

"No dizziness?" he asked and Jongin shook his head. "That's great. But lessen the crying as of now, we don't want to stress your eyes just yet," Dr. Kim smiled. "Don't stare at too bright lights. Wear dark glasses when you're outside for now. Let your eyes adjust to natural light first. I'll refer you to an optometrist to check if you would require glasses. Once you feel dizziness, call me. I might be oceans apart but I'm still your doctor."

"You're leaving?" Mr. Kim, Jongin's father, asked.

"Yes. My flight is tonight if we'll have no further emergencies," then he shook Jongin's hands. "Congratulations, Jongin."

"No. Thank you, doc," Jongin said.

Dr. Kim patted his hands. "I'm just a surgeon, Jongin. I just performed a procedure. The real healing is up to you now but I know you can do it."

***

All the way home, Jongin kept asking for Kyungsoo but his parents were pretty mum about it. Either evading the question or just ignoring it altogether.

Jongin can't understand why they can't answer his simple question.

It was when Jongin was in his room that he started to realize, dread started spreading in his chest.

"Where are Kyungsoo's things?" he turned to his mother. He knew Kyungsoo had stayed in his room so it should have Kyungsoo's things but as far as Jongin could tell, not one thing in the room belonged to Kyungsoo. "Mom, where is Kyungsoo?"

"I'm sorry, Jongin, but he begged me not to tell you," his mother handed him a letter. "His contract with us expired long ago but he stayed for you."

"No, no, no," Jongin's hands were shaking as he opened the letter. He can't believe the first thing he'll see relating to Kyungsoo was a goodbye letter. "No!"

"Jongin!" His mother wrapped him in her arms. "Please, the doctor said not to put stress in your eyes."

But Jongin can't help it. He can't believe that Kyungsoo has left him.

"Son, please."

"Why? Why did he leave?"

"I don't know, Jongin. He never told me. I begged him to stay. I begged him to stay for you," his mother replied.

"When? When did he leave?"

"This morning," his mother replied. "His flight was this morning."

"He didn't tell you where he was going?"

"No," she said. "He just handed me that letter and begged me not to tell you until you were home."

All Jongin did that day was cry.

He was anticipating to see the person he loved the most. He was anticipating to finally see Kyungsoo. To kiss him. To show him the best version of himself.

But all he got was heartbreak.

Jongin searched for him. Even his family disappeared from their village and no one knows where they went.

He searched.

He tried.

Then he stopped.

_Several years later…_

"Come on, Soo!"

Kyungsoo shivered in his jacket. It was almost mid-January and it was still so cold. They just got off their shifts from the hospital and his friends wanted to have a drink. He told them he won't stay late since he has to report to Dr. Kim's clinic in the morning.

"Coming!" he shouted back. He looked back at the poster on the wall. It caught his eyes because of the title of the show. _The Rise of the Phoenix_.

He reached out and touched the poster. It was a silhouette of a man in the center on the stage with the spotlight only on him. His back was to the audience but his head was slightly turned.

It reminded him a lot of Jongin and his heart clenched. He traced the man's face with his finger.

"How have you been doing?" he whispered in the night. He looked at the bottom of the poster. It was a one-night-only event. Exclusive. January 12. His birthday.

"Soo!"

He heard Jongdae calling him. When he turned his head, he and Minseok were jumping in place because of the cold.

He took one last look on the poster then he ran to his friends.

It's been years since he left Jongin.

He also left his heart with him.

***

"What are we doing here?" he asked his two best friends as they entered a theater. 

His friends wanted to celebrate his birthday so they planned everything.

"We're going to watch a show," Minseok said.

"What show?" Kyungsoo asked again.

"Go in first. We'll just get food," Jongdae said as he pointed on the doors.

"Can't I come with you guys?"

Minseok shook his head. "It's your day today so you have to enjoy it."

Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. "Whatever," he muttered as he pushed on the door. His friends have been weird since this morning but he let it slide. Maybe they were planning to surprise him. He can't wait.

But Kyungsoo stopped as soon as the door behind him closed. The entire theater was quiet and dark apart from the two spotlights.

One was on a chair, singled out with the rest of the chairs. And the other one was the empty center stage.

He was confused if these were all his friend's doing. He knew Jongdae and Minseok could not pull it off. Let alone afford it.

But he shrugged as he made his way to the chair. The moment he sat down, the lights turned off and music started to play.

Kyungsoo looked around. The theater was empty. He was the only one inside.

"What's going on?" he whispered to himself.

Then, a man walked to the center of the stage then started dancing to the music.

Kyungsoo was entranced. Though he can only see a silhouette dancing, he was still captivated.

Then the music just stopped and so did the silhouette. 

And Kyungsoo gasped when the spotlight was turned back on the center stage.

"Jongin!"

Jongin looked at him then walked to the side of the stage and then towards him. Kyungsoo didn't know if he should run or stay. He was shaking all over.

"Soo," Jongin finally reached him. There was a smile on Jongin's face. "Did you see me dance? That's one thing I'm very good at. I'm at my best when I dance. You saw that right? I always wanted to show you the best of me."

"Am I dreaming?" Kyungsoo asked himself. He wanted to scream. If this was a dream, then it was a cruel one.

Jongin chuckled. "I'm afraid not. Happy birthday, Kyungsoo. I got it right this time, didn't I?"

"Jongin...you're here. You're really here."

"I am," Jongin reached up with one hand and touched Kyungsoo's face. "I knew it. I knew you are beautiful. More than I ever imagined."

"Jongin!" Kyungsoo was crying now. He reached up and touched Jongin's face with both hands. "It's you! It's really you! Oh my god!"

"Soo," Jongin pulled Kyungsoo towards him. He rested his forehead on Kyungsoo's. "I missed you. So much. So much, Kyungsoo."

"Oh my god!" Kyungsoo was already sobbing. "Jongin, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for leaving you like that! I didn't know what else to do! I was afraid once you regained your sight and saw me, you'll change your mind about me. You'll see that there is nothing special about me. You'll see how different we are, how different our worlds are! That I won't be enough! You'll see --"

"The most beautiful person," Jongin cut him off. "That I'll see the most caring, kind and patient man ever. That I'll see what love is in human form. Because that is you, Do Kyungsoo. You are love, kindness and perfection rolled into one. And then I'll see how lucky I am that someone like you loves me even after seeing the worst of me."

"Jongin…"

"I love you first because of this," he placed his hand on Kyungsoo's chest. "I fell in love with you because of your beautiful heart, Kyungsoo. Because of your selfless, beautiful heart that looked past my imperfections and insecurity and loved me unconditionally. So Do Kyungsoo," he reached for Kyungsoo's hand and placed it in his chest. "This heart beats only for you. I had been content with what life had given me. I had accepted that I'll be blind and paralyzed for the rest of my life. But you changed all that. You gave me back my desire to live, to hope, to be happy. You were the matchstick that ignited my fire. But I can't live without you, Kyungsoo. Everything is meaningless without you in it."

"Jongin…"

"I love you. I never stopped. When I figured you don't want me to find you, I understood. I understood your fears. So I let you go. I let you become the best version of yourself and I will become the best version of myself too. So that when we met again, I can finally show that to you."

"You were already perfect, Jongin," Kyungsoo whispered.

"And so, my love, were you," Jongin said as he skimmed his nose on Kyungsoo's jaw. "You were already perfect. But you felt there's something you needed to do first so I let you. But my love, please, come back to me."

"Jongin."

"Say you love me. Say you still love me," Jongin said. "You've seen the worst of me. I can't wait to let you see the best version of me. So, Kyungsoo, say you love me."

Kyungsoo tiptoed so he can finally kiss Jongin. Jongin held him tight and kissed him back with equal passion. He felt like his heart was bursting in his chest as he was finally able to hold the one person he wanted the most.

"I love you," Kyungsoo panted when he broke the kiss. "I love you. I love you so much, Jongin. I thought I'll never see you. I thought I won't be able to hold you anymore. I thought I won't be able to kiss you anymore."

"There, there, my sweet nightingale," Jongin buried his face in Kyungsoo hair. "I finally found you again. And I'm never letting you go."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm moving here," Jongin said. "I'm opening a dance studio here too, just so I can be closer to you. And if my boyfriend would accept, I'd like to ask him to move in with me."

Kyungsoo choked back a sob and then he laughed. "Yes," he nodded. "Yes! Yes!"

Jongin swooped down to kiss him again.

But there was no hurry this time.

For right now, they have all the time in the world.

\- END -

**Author's Note:**

> To the prompter, thank you so much for this wonderful prompt. I hoped I met your expectations. :)
> 
> To those who had read this, thank you so much! I hoped you all loved it! :)
> 
> Love lots! xxx


End file.
